Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
