I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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