I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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