Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
