What did we do last night that was yellow?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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