i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
