also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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