I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I think my moral compass just broke
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
