I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
