physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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