Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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