i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Let's get the cat blown out
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
