Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The ass gains better be worth it
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