too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
