just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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