oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
