Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
