I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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