I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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