i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
