Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
