Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
