TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize