He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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