I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
