guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
