i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
