I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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