Someone shit on the floor
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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