I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I have grass duct taped all over my body
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
whose parrot is this?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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