White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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