What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
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My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
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I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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