My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
