you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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