I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
