it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
