I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
