Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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