i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
what day is it and did you see me today?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
