I looked at my own cervix.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
