guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Randomize
