did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
