take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
