never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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