We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
