Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
