A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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