i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
