i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
