Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
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we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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