My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
