I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
