Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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