physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
