So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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