Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
