i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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