Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I AM VODKA MAN
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
