We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
