matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
