she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
