It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
