So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
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So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
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I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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