In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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