you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
