ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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