She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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