Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just cropdusted the office
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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