I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
